There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.

I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.

One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.

Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?

I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.