There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.

Men will now get up and walk with the baby in the middle of the night, change its diapers, and give it a bottle, but in their heart of hearts they still think they shouldn't have to.

I'm not sure if my husband is going to be there when I actually have the baby. He said the only way he's going to be in the room when there's a delivery is if there's a pizza involved.

Oh, my God. I've just told you how old I am. Nobody knows how old I am. I'm going to have to kill you now.

My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.

I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.

To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'