When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"

I just don't get cats. To me, they're a waste of fur.

I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I have been doing the leg lifts.

I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.

The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him

I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.