Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald".

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.

I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.

I paid attention to not being a comedian, and just concentrated on being who I was. That is what you have to do. If you say you are a comedian that has been done before. If you just be who you are then you are unique. Everyone is unique.