Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.

My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?

Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

I'm not sure if my husband is going to be there when I actually have the baby. He said the only way he's going to be in the room when there's a delivery is if there's a pizza involved.

Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.