Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

Women are more accommodating. If a woman drinks the last glass of apple juice in the refrigerator, she'll make more apple juice. If a man drinks the last glass of apple juice, he'll just put back the empty container.

Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.

You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.

I rationalize shop. I buy a dress because I need change for gum.

One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.