When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other.

Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.

Thirty, I really like you but I still have to see other people.

Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.

I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!