When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

I can see close up and my husband can see far away, so we're covered. He tells me who's in the movie and I tell him what's in his sandwich. Together we're human bifocals.

Thirty, I really like you but I still have to see other people.

My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.

I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.

Never play peek-a-boo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, "Look, it's always gonna be me!"