When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other.

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.

How can I have morning sickness when I don't get up till noon?

Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.

Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.

Women are more accommodating. If a woman drinks the last glass of apple juice in the refrigerator, she'll make more apple juice. If a man drinks the last glass of apple juice, he'll just put back the empty container.

If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.