When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
Rita RudnerMen who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of the women they're married to.
Rita RudnerIt takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.
Rita RudnerOh, my God. I've just told you how old I am. Nobody knows how old I am. I'm going to have to kill you now.
Rita Rudner