I can see close up and my husband can see far away, so we're covered. He tells me who's in the movie and I tell him what's in his sandwich. Together we're human bifocals.

I just love dogs, and there really is no better companion than an animal.

When I want to end a relationship I just say, 'You know, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children.' Sometimes they leave skid marks.

I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.

Blondes have more fun, don't they? They must. How many brunettes do you see walking down the street with blond roots?

Buying something on sale is a very special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it is worth to me.

Buying something on sale is a very special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it is worth to me. I have a dress that I paid so little for that I am afraid to wear it. I could spill something on it, and then how would I replace it for that amount of money?