Blondes have more fun, don't they? They must. How many brunettes do you see walking down the street with blond roots?

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.

Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until the day before his anniversary to buy his wife a gift.

All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. They don't understand them, and they don't want to get near them. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.

I worry about Las Vegas schools. I hear in math, they only teach them to count to 21.