Commitment is different in males and females. In females it is a desire to get married and raise a family. In males it means not picking up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.

My parents always told me I could do anything, but never told me how long it would take

Oh, my God. I've just told you how old I am. Nobody knows how old I am. I'm going to have to kill you now.

Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano.

My mother was the worst cook ever. In school, when we traded lunches, I had to throw in an article of clothing.

Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.