I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

Never take candy from strangers.

They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.

Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.

My Vegas act is how I make my money.

There is a woman who swam around Manhattan, and I asked her, why? She said, it hadn't ever been done before. Well, she didn't have to do that. If she wanted to something no one had ever done before, all she had to do was vacuum my apartment.

I worry about Las Vegas schools. I hear in math, they only teach them to count to 21.