My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.

Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.

Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.

How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?

The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new theory is men don't mature. Marry a younger one.

Men will now get up and walk with the baby in the middle of the night, change its diapers, and give it a bottle, but in their heart of hearts they still think they shouldn't have to.