My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

Never play peek-a-boo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, "Look, it's always gonna be me!"

Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.

The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new theory is men don't mature. Marry a younger one.

There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.