I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I have been doing the leg lifts.

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.

I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.

I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.

I'm going to start water skiing someday...as soon as I can separate it from being dragged by a boat.

After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.

Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.