All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. They don't understand them, and they don't want to get near them. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.

My parents always told me I could do anything, but never told me how long it would take

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.

In high school I was voted the girl most likely to become a nun. That may not be impressive to you, but it was quite an accomplishment at the Hebrew Academy.

I just don't get cats. To me, they're a waste of fur.

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.