The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.

They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.

I value people with a conscience. It's like a beeper from God.

I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.

I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!

There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.

Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.