Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.

I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.

I'd like to say a few words about one of the most popular concepts in the modern education--show and tell. Show and Tell is a device created by grammar schools to communicate family secrets to 32 other families before 9:15 am in the morning.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.

The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.

Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.