For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.

All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is cry about it or panic or just be grief-stricken about it; but a year or two from now or maybe ten years from now, or maybe two months or two days, you might be able to see the humor in that problem.

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world

Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.

It's an awful thing to grow old by yourself. My wife hasn't had a birthday in seven years.

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.