The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.

I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.

What bothers me about TV is that it tends to take our minds off our minds.

I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.

Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.

Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't.

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.