Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.

Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?

There are only two kinds of people in this world. The realists and the dreamers. The realists know where they are going and the dreamers have already been there.

I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.

Thanks to modern medicine we are no longer forced to endure prolonged pain, disease, discomfort and wealth.

Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.

I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.