I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.

I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.

It's an awful thing to grow old by yourself. My wife hasn't had a birthday in seven years.

The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.

Do your kids a favor - don't have any.

Thanks to modern medicine we are no longer forced to endure prolonged pain, disease, discomfort and wealth.

In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.