I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.

Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.

Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.

To reduce stress, avoid excitement. Spend more time with your spouse.

The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.

A compliment is verbal sunshine.

Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.