Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?

Thanks to modern medicine we are no longer forced to endure prolonged pain, disease, discomfort and wealth.

Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.

I don't see why religion and science can't cooperate. What's wrong with using a computer to count our blessings?

A sigh is an amplifier for people who suffer in silence.

Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.

I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.