Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?

THe world now has so many problems that if Moses had come down from Mount Sinai today, the two tablets he'd carry would be aspirin.

Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.

If at first you don't succeed-try, try again. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success.

In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.

For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.

If you can get someone to laugh with you, they will be more willing to identify with you, listen to you. It parts the waters.