All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is cry about it or panic or just be grief-stricken about it; but a year or two from now or maybe ten years from now, or maybe two months or two days, you might be able to see the humor in that problem.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

If at first you don't succeed-try, try again. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success.

Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!

For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.

Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.

Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.