Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.

There are only two kinds of people in this world. The realists and the dreamers. The realists know where they are going and the dreamers have already been there.

To exercise is human; not to is divine.

The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.

Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.

I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.

If at first you don't succeed-try, try again. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success.