Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.

The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.

I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.

The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.

I'm beginning to wonder about my broker. Yesterday I told him to buy a hundred shares of A.T.&T. He said, 'Would you spell that?'

Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, "Guess Who?" She's a divorce lawyer.

An economist is someone who knows all the answers to last years' questions.