Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.

I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.

The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.

Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.

Did you ever get to wondering if taxation without representation might have been cheaper?

Noise pollution is a relative thing. In a city, it's a jet plane taking off. In a monastery, it's a pen that scratches.

It's an awful thing to grow old by yourself. My wife hasn't had a birthday in seven years.