Noise pollution is a relative thing. In a city, it's a jet plane taking off. In a monastery, it's a pen that scratches.

I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.

I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.

Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.

These detective series on TV always end at precisely the right moment-after the criminal is arrested and before the court turns him loose.

Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet.

I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.