Noise pollution is a relative thing. In a city, it's a jet plane taking off. In a monastery, it's a pen that scratches.

Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.

Sports like baseball, basketball, and hockey develop muscles. That's why Americans have the strongest eyes in the world.

I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.

Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!

It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.