Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.

I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.

Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.

Do your kids a favor - don't have any.

Noise pollution is a relative thing. In a city, it's a jet plane taking off. In a monastery, it's a pen that scratches.

I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!

Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.