Vacation: When you spend thousands of dollars to see what rain looks like in different parts of the world.

Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.

Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.

The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.

The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

What bothers me about TV is that it tends to take our minds off our minds.