Vacation: When you spend thousands of dollars to see what rain looks like in different parts of the world.

To exercise is human; not to is divine.

All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is cry about it or panic or just be grief-stricken about it; but a year or two from now or maybe ten years from now, or maybe two months or two days, you might be able to see the humor in that problem.

Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave - but there's no need to be in the passing lane.

Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, "Guess Who?" She's a divorce lawyer.

I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.

Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.