A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.
My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.
There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.