I'm beginning to wonder about my broker. Yesterday I told him to buy a hundred shares of A.T.&T. He said, 'Would you spell that?'

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

I feel that if God had really wanted us to have enough oil, he would never have given us a Department of Energy.

I love to watch those old movies on late-night television, particularly when a couple get up from a champagne dinner in a posh restaurant and the hero hands the waiter $3. But the best part is when he says, "Keep the change."

Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.

Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.

These detective series on TV always end at precisely the right moment-after the criminal is arrested and before the court turns him loose.