Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

There are only two kinds of people in this world. The realists and the dreamers. The realists know where they are going and the dreamers have already been there.

More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.

I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.

Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.