Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

Do your kids a favor - don't have any.

Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.

Here's to all volunteers, those dedicated people who believe in all work and no pay.

I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!

Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.