An economist is someone who knows all the answers to last years' questions.

I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.

In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.

I value people with a conscience. It's like a beeper from God.

Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't.

I don't see why religion and science can't cooperate. What's wrong with using a computer to count our blessings?

I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.