They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!

Thanks to modern medicine we are no longer forced to endure prolonged pain, disease, discomfort and wealth.

I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.

It may be the way the cookie crumbles on Madison Avenue, but in Hong Kong its the way the egg rolls.

Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.

I love to watch those old movies on late-night television, particularly when a couple get up from a champagne dinner in a posh restaurant and the hero hands the waiter $3. But the best part is when he says, "Keep the change."