I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.

The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world

A sigh is an amplifier for people who suffer in silence.

The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.

An economist is someone who knows all the answers to last years' questions.

Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?

With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!