I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

It's an awful thing to grow old by yourself. My wife hasn't had a birthday in seven years.

I'd like to say a few words about one of the most popular concepts in the modern education--show and tell. Show and Tell is a device created by grammar schools to communicate family secrets to 32 other families before 9:15 am in the morning.

I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.

Noise pollution is a relative thing. In a city, it's a jet plane taking off. In a monastery, it's a pen that scratches.

Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.