Do your kids a favor - don't have any.

Sports like baseball, basketball, and hockey develop muscles. That's why Americans have the strongest eyes in the world.

I'd like to say a few words about one of the most popular concepts in the modern education--show and tell. Show and Tell is a device created by grammar schools to communicate family secrets to 32 other families before 9:15 am in the morning.

My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.

Noise pollution is a relative thing. In a city, it's a jet plane taking off. In a monastery, it's a pen that scratches.

Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.

A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.