Do your kids a favor - don't have any.

I love to watch those old movies on late-night television, particularly when a couple get up from a champagne dinner in a posh restaurant and the hero hands the waiter $3. But the best part is when he says, "Keep the change."

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.

Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.

I'm beginning to wonder about my broker. Yesterday I told him to buy a hundred shares of A.T.&T. He said, 'Would you spell that?'

Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.