I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.

The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world

Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.

Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

These detective series on TV always end at precisely the right moment-after the criminal is arrested and before the court turns him loose.

If at first you don't succeed-try, try again. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success.