I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.

There are only two kinds of people in this world. The realists and the dreamers. The realists know where they are going and the dreamers have already been there.

If you can get someone to laugh with you, they will be more willing to identify with you, listen to you. It parts the waters.

It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.

I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.

All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is cry about it or panic or just be grief-stricken about it; but a year or two from now or maybe ten years from now, or maybe two months or two days, you might be able to see the humor in that problem.

I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.