Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.

They're combining that new fertility drug with a birth control pill for people who don't want triplets.

Sports like baseball, basketball, and hockey develop muscles. That's why Americans have the strongest eyes in the world.

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.