Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.

It's an awful thing to grow old by yourself. My wife hasn't had a birthday in seven years.

Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.

Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.

Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.

I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!

I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.