Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'

I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.

I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.

Here's to all volunteers, those dedicated people who believe in all work and no pay.

Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!!

I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.