Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.

I'm beginning to wonder about my broker. Yesterday I told him to buy a hundred shares of A.T.&T. He said, 'Would you spell that?'

They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

Here's to all volunteers, those dedicated people who believe in all work and no pay.

Faith, indeed, has up to the present not been able to move real mountains.... But it can put mountains where there are none. Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.