I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!

I love to watch those old movies on late-night television, particularly when a couple get up from a champagne dinner in a posh restaurant and the hero hands the waiter $3. But the best part is when he says, "Keep the change."

I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.

I feel that if God had really wanted us to have enough oil, he would never have given us a Department of Energy.

Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.

In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.

Did you ever get to wondering if taxation without representation might have been cheaper?