I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!

The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.

Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.

Faith, indeed, has up to the present not been able to move real mountains.... But it can put mountains where there are none. Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

They're combining that new fertility drug with a birth control pill for people who don't want triplets.

Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave - but there's no need to be in the passing lane.