I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!

Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.

I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.

We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.

They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.

Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.

Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.