Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'

Sociologists say that going to the movies is a bonding experience. It probably has to do with the way you feet stick to the floor.

I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!

There are only two kinds of people in this world. The realists and the dreamers. The realists know where they are going and the dreamers have already been there.

The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.

They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.

With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!