A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.

Faith, indeed, has up to the present not been able to move real mountains.... But it can put mountains where there are none. Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.

Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, "Guess Who?" She's a divorce lawyer.

Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.

My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.

A compliment is verbal sunshine.

Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'