I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.

THe world now has so many problems that if Moses had come down from Mount Sinai today, the two tablets he'd carry would be aspirin.

Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!!

Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.

They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.

I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!

I'd like to say a few words about one of the most popular concepts in the modern education--show and tell. Show and Tell is a device created by grammar schools to communicate family secrets to 32 other families before 9:15 am in the morning.