Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.

Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.

They're combining that new fertility drug with a birth control pill for people who don't want triplets.

The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.

Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.

I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.

Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!