A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.

I value people with a conscience. It's like a beeper from God.

I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!

A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.

To reduce stress, avoid excitement. Spend more time with your spouse.

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.