Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, "Guess Who?" She's a divorce lawyer.

The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world

To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

Sports like baseball, basketball, and hockey develop muscles. That's why Americans have the strongest eyes in the world.

The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.

Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet.