Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, "Guess Who?" She's a divorce lawyer.

To exercise is human; not to is divine.

I feel that if God had really wanted us to have enough oil, he would never have given us a Department of Energy.

I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.

Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.

To reduce stress, avoid excitement. Spend more time with your spouse.

Sociologists say that going to the movies is a bonding experience. It probably has to do with the way you feet stick to the floor.