Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!

The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

To exercise is human; not to is divine.

Do your kids a favor - don't have any.

Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.

In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.