Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.

A compliment is verbal sunshine.

Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.

I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.

Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave - but there's no need to be in the passing lane.

Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!

What bothers me about TV is that it tends to take our minds off our minds.