Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.

I feel that if God had really wanted us to have enough oil, he would never have given us a Department of Energy.

To reduce stress, avoid excitement. Spend more time with your spouse.

Sociologists say that going to the movies is a bonding experience. It probably has to do with the way you feet stick to the floor.

With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!

The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.

My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.