The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world

More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.

The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.

To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

I'm beginning to wonder about my broker. Yesterday I told him to buy a hundred shares of A.T.&T. He said, 'Would you spell that?'

I love to watch those old movies on late-night television, particularly when a couple get up from a champagne dinner in a posh restaurant and the hero hands the waiter $3. But the best part is when he says, "Keep the change."

Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.