The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world

The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.

A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.

Vacation: When you spend thousands of dollars to see what rain looks like in different parts of the world.

The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.

I'm beginning to wonder about my broker. Yesterday I told him to buy a hundred shares of A.T.&T. He said, 'Would you spell that?'

Individuality' is the key to success.