There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!

Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.

Sports like baseball, basketball, and hockey develop muscles. That's why Americans have the strongest eyes in the world.

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.