There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.

Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?

We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.

I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.

Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.

The true test of humility is whether you can say grace before eating crow.

Thanks to modern medicine we are no longer forced to endure prolonged pain, disease, discomfort and wealth.