Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave - but there's no need to be in the passing lane.

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!

Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.

THe world now has so many problems that if Moses had come down from Mount Sinai today, the two tablets he'd carry would be aspirin.

For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.