The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.

Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.

Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, "Guess Who?" She's a divorce lawyer.

Did you ever get to wondering if taxation without representation might have been cheaper?

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.

I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.