Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.

A sigh is an amplifier for people who suffer in silence.

Here's to all volunteers, those dedicated people who believe in all work and no pay.

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, "Guess Who?" She's a divorce lawyer.

Sports like baseball, basketball, and hockey develop muscles. That's why Americans have the strongest eyes in the world.

Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.