If you can get someone to laugh with you, they will be more willing to identify with you, listen to you. It parts the waters.

I love to watch those old movies on late-night television, particularly when a couple get up from a champagne dinner in a posh restaurant and the hero hands the waiter $3. But the best part is when he says, "Keep the change."

Thanks to modern medicine we are no longer forced to endure prolonged pain, disease, discomfort and wealth.

A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.

Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.

I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.

Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.