I had my back waxed once by two women... and at one point they said, Do you mind if we take a break?

I can see it now: Osama bin Laden goes up to the pearly gates where George Washington comes out, starts beating him and is then joined by 70 other members of the Continental Congress. Osama will say, Hey, wait! Where are my 71 virgins? And George will reply It's 71 Virginians, you asshole!

Cocaine is God's way of telling you you are making too much money.

The idea of having a steady job is appealing.

It's the same sex all the time.

Avoid using the word 'very' because it's lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don't use very sad, use morose. Language was invented for one reason boys - to woo women - and in that endeavor, laziness will not do.

We were talking briefly about cocaine... yeah. Anything that makes you paranoid and impotent, give me more of that!