I had my back waxed once by two women... and at one point they said, Do you mind if we take a break?

Decaf is like masturbating with an oven mitt!

Even mistakes can be wonderful.

I don't practice anything. I spend time looking over ideas and then just get out and do it.

There's a time for daring and there's a time for caution, and a wise man understands which is called for.

I love kids, but they are a tough audience.

For me, comedy starts as a spew, a kind of explosion, and then you sculpt it from there, if at all. It comes out of a deeper, darker side. Maybe it comes from anger, because I'm outraged by cruel absurdities, the hypocrisy that exists everywhere, even within yourself, where it's hardest to see.