Getting older is tough. I remember the last time I felt an erection. It was at the movies. The only trouble is, it belonged to the guy sitting next to me.

With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.

For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.

I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.

I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.

With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.